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The Reason for Chloe

I remember when I first self-published CHLOE in December of 2019, I was so nervous! I had written it over and over again for the past couple of years, each time deleting it and blank canvasing it all over again. It wasn’t until November of 2019 that I decided that I was just going to get it done!

The hurdle of writing my first book was very daunting! What if no one liked it? what if no one bought it? So many doubts along the way but some how I was able to set my worries aside and begin writing the story of CHLOE and seeing it to it’s end.

This is an entirely fiction story. CHLOE is a story about a four year old child in the Foster System. She is classified as an Other, meaning she is considered less than because she is a Shifter. A Shifter is a human that has a DNA Variant that gives them the ability to shape shift from their human form to their animal form. Chloe is called an Other because her origins are unknown and she has the DNA Variant present in her blood. The Foster System was over crowded so they began to compare children’s DNA to those in the DNA Ancestry type data bases. A match is found for Chloe. This is how Sadie meets Chloe and adopts her. This book is about Sadie and her family’s relationship with Chloe. They bond and then the unthinkable happens, Chloe is kidnapped. With the tensions between the humans and the various Shifter Communities being a major focal point in their town, will they be able to put aside their differences long enough to rescue a little girl?

CHLOE comes with a few social ideas I wanted people to think about. So many children are in the State Foster Care System, are longing to be wanted by someone. In some cases, children in the system are not adoptable for one reason or another. However, there are many that are adoptable, hoping for a family of their own. For many children, they age out of the Foster Care System, never having the opportunity of being adopted.

What does being adopted mean to a Foster Kid? It means that you no longer carry your belongings around in trash bags from place to place. It means no longer worrying about where the system will put you next. It means you no longer have to change schools just because your foster home location changed. It means you’ll have a family like your classmates do. No more feeling different. No more feeling like you are less than someone else. But more importantly, it means that they are wanted. That they are loved and safe with a family that chose them.

I realize the stigma these children wear, they get labeled because they are simply in the system. Most of them come from abusive homes. They may even have some behavioral issues. But these children were in situations out of their control and the fear, the pain, the hopelessness, the sadness they lived through should not be held against them. Of course they will act out but they should be allowed the time to grieve, the time to feel safe again and the time to learn what it’s like to be loved and wanted.

I hope that those of you who are out there reading this will consider becoming involved in your State’s Foster Adopt Program. That even if you are not in a place to be able to adopt a child that you will let your friends and families know who may be interested in adoption. So, many children need adoptive family homes, so many hope to be chosen someday and never are….the wounds they wear, the tears they’ve cried, the hurts they’ve survived they carry into adulthood never really feeling like they belong anywhere. But you can make a difference in a child’s life if you choose to.

If any of you are interested in reading my book called CHLOE, you can find the book and the nook book online at barnesandnoble.com If you have Kindle or other ebook readers, you can find my book in various ebook formats on walmart.com and on smashwords.com My book is difficult to find due to the volume of books on these websites, but just put in “CHLOE by Brianna Kenzie” in the search area and my book will pop right up. I’d be very interested in knowing what you think of my book CHLOE. Just be gentle, it is my first book.

Adventure

Some days you have to put aside your worries and head out on an adventure. My sister and I chose to go somewhere a few hours away to see an old Railroad Bridge. We had a blasts singing along to our collection of Classic Disney at the top of our lungs as we drove along the way. It started out a little cloudy and rainy but as the day progressed we got to enjoy some sunshine. We found our bridge but as with any adventure it’s the journey there that’s the most rewarding.

Fun along the way
Fun along the way! Call us the Singin’Sisters
A very cool old bridge
Colorful beauty
You never know when someone’s going to give you rabbit ears….
The Best friend in the world
Flying Eagle always awesome to see
Awesome sisters

We had a great time that day (February 7th, 2020) and made some awesome memories…just on a trip to see a an old bridge! Adventure comes in all kinds of packages, you don’t have to travel far to go somewhere fun.

If you find yourself full of life’s blahs find a way to go with your favorite person on an adventure, even if it’s not a new place, the fun you have along the way will be new and refreshing.

As always I retain my full copyright to all blog posts, all blog post contents and all blog images/photographs.

Pretend Tea

When I was little I used to have tea parties with my stuffed animals around my table in the backyard. I’d dress them up for a special day and carry them carefully down the stairs to their seats outside. I would usually dress a bit frilly, putting on my leggings and a colorful play tutu skirt. My favorite was lime green. I even took the time to brush the knots out of my hair…well, most of them anyway before putting on one of each of my favorite sneakers. Then I’d head to the kitchen to get the special treats ready.

Daddy always kept ginger snap cookies for me and I was allowed to have four a day. But on Tea Party Day everyone got two cookies each on a pretty purple or pink paper plate. I would carefully pour water into the paper cups and tell all my friends that it was Pretend Tea, the best tea in the world. Then I’d sit and have my Pretend Tea and gingersnaps all the while telling my friends about the Fairy King and Queen that would soon come to visit…They always came in the Fall when the leaves were so pretty and they would race each other to visit me.

Sometimes Daddy would come home while I was having my Tea Day and at first he would look tired and annoyed. But then he’d change into his favorite jeans and put on his blue shirt then sit down on the rock by the table. I always had an extra cup of Pretend Tea just in case he stopped by to see us. He would ask me how we were all doing and if we were enjoying our treats. He was always kind to my friends.

We’d sit and chat about the Fairy King and Queen and how excited we all were that the leaves were giving them rides. He would be so tired from a long day at work, I could see it lurking in his eyes, yet he sat there at ease with me, smiling and sipping Pretend Tea.

I always ate more gingersnaps than I was allowed on Tea Party Days because my friends asked me to please have theirs since they were so full of Pretend Tea. Daddy would eat like six of them and I would eat eight including my own two.

We’d walk down by the water and he would talk to me about why the sky was blue and the water was a murky green in places. We’d look for squirrels since they would be kind enough to tell the Fairy King and Queen that I could play tomorrow since Tea Day had ran so late. Squirrels and Fairy’s were the best of friends and always helped each other out.

Dad would clean my table and I would carry my furry friends back upstairs to their shelf. I’d put Sabree, my stuffed tiger kitten on my pillow so she could keep watch over everyone. Then, I’d go downstairs and help Daddy with dinner.

I loved Tea Party Days because if I had them late enough in the afternoon I could always count on my dad showing up for Pretend Tea. Pretend Tea was the best I ever had because my friends and Daddy were gathered round. I only had those special days maybe once a week or less if it was Winter but each one was important to me.

I would do anything to sit with my Dad and have Pretend Tea again. He wasn’t perfect but at Tea Time all that mattered was that he was there. I miss him so very much….

Blueberry Candy Canes

I used to struggle with loneliness and depression around this time of year thru the beginning of the next. It would just slowly creep up on me and the next thing I knew I felt like I carried the weight of the world on my shoulders. I couldn’t fix anything in my life. I couldn’t fix anything in anyone else’s life…and the things I had been enjoying suddenly felt– gone.

The days where it was coldest and the sunniest were the hardest for me to endure because everyone around me was laughing and smiling with friends or family. I had no one.

The days of constant drizzle of rain felt like it was seeping into my soul and the tears I refused to cry or the one’s that just wouldn’t…swirled in the rain swallowing me.

At night I’d lay in my bed and listen to the rain pelt the window panes and listen to the wind rage at being denied access to my room. Some nights I’d open my window and get lost in the rain and the howling wind…falling asleep somehow comforted in the chaos of the darkness.

Then one day I noticed a homeless man sitting on the bus. He wasn’t wearing socks. I was headed home. I pulled my shoes off and took off my socks. I handed them to him and he put them on. The relief on his face as his feet got some warmth was evident. I smiled at him and told him good night as I got off the bus at my stop.

On another day, one of the ones that were the hardest for me, I noticed a mother and two children on the water front pier. The mother looked tired and stressed. The kids seemed happy enough. I stood looking out at the ocean and heard the little girl tell her mother that she was hungry. The little boy said his tummy hurted. She said, “I’m sorry. We have to wait until tonight when we go home.” The little girl said ok but the boy began to cry. I dug in my backpack and pulled out my wallet. I had $10. Would that be enough? I walked slowly over to where the woman sat comforting her little boy. The little girl was chasing a sea gull. “Excuse me, but, McDonald’s is just down the street. I only have $10 but I’d like it if you would take it and buy your littles and yourself something to eat. It’s warm in there…” I saw tears in her eyes as she reached for the money. I smiled at her and said, “Hope things get better.” I went to walk the opposite direction but took a glance back and saw the mother and her two kids heading to get some food.

On Christmas Eve that year I did something I had never done before. I went out and bought a hundred blueberry candy canes and a green Christmas Stocking the day before. On Christmas Eve Day, I woke up excited. I got dressed in several layers and put a couple of my extra hats and knit gloves in my backpack. I ate some toast and drank my coffee, a smile teasing the corners of my face. I went out and grabbed a bus heading to the waterfront pier again….it could be a cold and lonely place…I thought maybe someone needed a blueberry candy cane. I handed out all of my candy canes except for one. I even gave away the extra hats and gloves. I got on the bus to head home, it was already dark. I sat down in the back of the bus and waited for the bus to near my stop. Just before my stop arrived I noticed the homeless man that I’d given my socks to that one night. He was staring out the window, a sadness etching his face, his eyes glistening in the passing lights. I got up and held the candy cane out to him and said, “Merry Christmas” . He looked up at me, seemingly shocked that I was standing in front of him. “Is this for me?” I smiled and nodded. He slowly reached out and took the candy cane. “Thank you. It’s the finest candy cane I’ve ever seen!” He carefully put in in his ratty old backpack. “Merry Christmas to you too! I used to have a girl like you… she’s been gone 20 years now. But I bet if she’d had time to grow up, she’d have been like you.” I reached out and took the hand he had extended towards me and then I gave him a hug. He pulled the cord at my bus stop. He remembered from the other time. “See you again young lady. That smile looks good in your eyes.”

As I walked home that night, the Christmas lights had never been so beautiful and bright.

I’d had so much pain in my life, in my heart it consumed me, held me captive…the holidays had always left me feeling so desolate, so isolated…until that year when I began to learn to look outward and see the world around me. Sure, there’s people laughing and having fun, but if you take another look you can also see the one’s navigating the world much like yourself, you see pain and heartache, grief and tears. The beauty of seeing the world around you with all its good and sadness is that it allows you to rekindle the connection to a part of life that you’d lost. It gives you the strength to push through the consuming darkness engulfing you and allows a little sunshine and laughter in your soul. It makes you want to help others, to bring a smile when you can and to offer solace where it’s needed.

When God began to heal the brokenness in my heart and put the pieces of me that had been shattered from circumstances that had left me feeling powerless and gutted… it was when I was ready to let God in my life, in my heart. I had to be willing to reach out and take the candy cane that God held out to me.

Looking back to that time I feel a mixture of old sadness lingering around the edges. But then I remember and look about me. God has given me so many blessings…My family He brought into my life eleven years ago. And my two cats of course.

Holidays now mean family. One thing that I love about my family is that if we can’t all be together on the exact date of the holiday, then we plan a time when we can be. This is when Thanksgiving is. This is when Christmas is… when we are all together, sharing smiles and random bits of our lives with each other. A time of fun and games where we play board games together. A time where we simply enjoy our family time.

To many, family is flesh and blood connected through DNA. But for me, though my family and I share no DNA, we still have kinship because of the love that God has put in our hearts for each other. Family are the one’s who stand beside you as you navigate life. They laugh with you, pray with you and when you grieve, they grieve with you.

I haven’t handed out candy canes for years now but maybe this year I will–maybe even you will. Or maybe someone will give you a blueberry candy cane.